Friendship: What If We Make Friends?

Friendship with an unlikely individual can blossom at an unexpected time. Friendship does not happen all at once. Making friends is just the start of the process of becoming friends.

Friendship is an interpersonal relationship that gives value to our life. According to C.S. Lewis, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” Friendship enhances our state of happiness. As Abraham Lincoln claimed, “The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.” Different people value friendship for different reasons. Whatever value we find in friendship comes from our interactions with our friends. In his book The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran wrote about friendship: “Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. … in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed. … let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.”

What if we make friends? In Looking for a Friend, Rod McKuen wrote that “Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.” Friendship with an unlikely individual can blossom at an unexpected time. We can make friends out of strangers starting with casual friendly acts – a smile, a hello, or a helping hand. In Balthasar Gracian's The Art of Worldly Wisdom, one of the most notable and popular works of philosophical advice, Aphorism #111 is “Have Friends”. According to Gracian, “The most and best of us depend on others; we have to live either among friends or among enemies.” His advice is “Seek someone every day to be a well-wisher if not a friend; by and by after trial some of these will become intimate.” He shared that “The way to gain friendly feelings is to do friendly acts.”

Aristotle said that “Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.” Friendship does not happen all at once. Making friends is just the start of the process of becoming friends. Instead of pondering on the question: “Can this person be my good friend?”, dwell on “How can I be a good friend to this person?” Treat this person as you would like a friend to treat you. Making friends is an investment of time and energy. It is human interaction with ample honesty, sincerity, understanding, and care. However, like some of the ripening fruits that may spoil or become sour, friendly acts to some may not prosper into friendship. There are certain traits, beliefs, interests, and habits that are simply incompatible to who we are. Making friends does not involve reshaping another person to become our suitable friend.

What if we make friends? Douglas Pagels, a published author of young adult books, wrote that “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.” In the 1991 comedy-drama film, Fried Green Tomatoes, based on the novel Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg, Ninny Threadgoode, an elderly woman in a nursing home, said: “I found out what the secret to life is: friends. Best friends.”