"You may have lost the most important person in your life, but you still have yourself. Grieve, rethink your life, and then set new goals. Enjoy life, make things happen and most importantly, love much and often."
Losing the most important person in your life can put your whole life amiss.
Edward was only seven years old when Beth and her husband separated. Beth took custody of Edward who became the center of her life. Beth found joy in rearing her only son. Life went well for mother and son until a freak accident took the life of the 13-year old Edward. Beth was devastated. She did not know how to go on with her life without her son.
Never been married, Pamela volunteered to take care of Brian, her niece’s son who was born out of wedlock. Brian was only a baby when Pamela got him from her niece, Julie. Pamela cherished each day that she attended to Brian’s needs. Brian became the most important person in her life. However, Julie came to take Brian with her to another country a couple of months before Brian turned ten. Pamela was distressed. Each day without Brian was unbearable.
What if this happens to you?
- Give yourself time to grieve. Cry. Be angry. Let go of all your hurt feelings. Do not bottle your emotions inside your heart or it may implode. This can damage you both emotionally and physically. A rainbow manifests itself in our life after shedding tears.
- Rethink your life. Ask yourself what if questions to clarify any doubts of regrets. Master Yoda of Star Wars gave this advice to Luke Skywalker: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose,” which is worth considering, but it is also important to note that whoever said, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is not foolish.
- Set new goals for yourself. Consider goals for your personal self – your hobbies and interests. Consider goals for your social self – your family, your friends, and your community. Consider goals to maintain or to improve your health and goals to maintain or increase your wealth. Ask as many what ifs as you can. Explore the things that you wanted to do but cannot because of your responsibilities to your lost loved one. Is it to travel, to get a master or a doctorate degree, to write a book, to engage in a business venture, or to be active in your community or your church? Now, you can do them.
About two years after Edward died, I saw Beth. She told me that she has no regrets having loved so much and that she has accepted God's other plans for her and has moved on with her life.
Just last month, I spoke with Pamela who told me that she is still working out the details of her life. She said that her faith in God gets her through each day, and with a marked hope in her eyes, she recited Jeremiah 29:11, “The Lord says, 'I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.'”
You may have lost the most important person in your life, but you still have yourself. Life goes on for you, so live well. Enjoy life, make things happen and most importantly, love much and often.
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