Death: What If We Are Afraid To Die?

Our death ends our life. What if we are afraid to die? Human condition consists of life followed by death. This reality makes life scarce and scarce things are precious. We cherish life because we are going die. If we fear death, we can use this fear to enhance our ability to enjoy life, increasing its value as much as possible before it finally ends.

It is clear to us that we will die sooner or later. Our death ends our life. What if we are afraid to die? Many, if not most, of us are afraid to die in varying degrees. When a person has a prevalent fear of death that negatively affects his life, then he has a phobia called thanatophobia.

In his Commencement Address at Stanford University on 12 June 2005, Steve Jobs, who died recently, said: “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

What is it about death that can scare us?

We fear death because we don't know what it means to be dead, we don't know what will happen to us when we are dead. Though many have died, there is no one to tell us what happened to them. Death is shrouded with so many unknowns. Our inquisitive nature is tormented with different and conflicting notions and beliefs about death. There are people who fear that they will cease to exist after death. “Will all my struggles in life just conclude with my nothingness after I die?” What if the answer to this question is yes? Perhaps, we need not bother being scared at all and just make the most of the life we still have. Those who believe in the afterlife may have even greater fear because the afterlife is another unknown. “What if I die unworthy of salvation?” “What if I don't go to heaven?” “What if I suffer eternal damnation?” The best and simple way to deal with this kind of apprehension is to set them aside and focus on living an honorable and morally upright life. Sometimes, we fear death because of the way we live.

We fear death because dying can be intensely painful, sometimes gravely humiliating. We don't know what happens after a person dies, but we have witnessed, heard, or read about dying people, and there are many, who suffered excruciating pain not just physically but also emotionally. We have no say on the manner that we will die (unless we commit suicide). We have suffered one time or another in our life, and dying, if it involves suffering, is just another pain to bear. Acceptance of this reality can help us develop a positive attitude towards dying.

We fear death because it is unpredictable. We don't know when we are going to die. It could be anytime because there is no such thing as deathless time or season, although there are times and seasons when occurrences of death are statistically low. There are people who are very reluctant to go out at night because many crimes are committed during nighttime. Death can take away so much, yet it is so unpredictable that it is difficult to prepare for it. There are some terminally ill patients who find consolation in the opportunity to properly prepare for their impending death saying “Not everyone gets properly warned.”
We fear death because it is ubiquitous, it is pervasive. There is no place safe enough to keep death away. There are no death-free zones. There are places where death is likely to occur like in areas of armed conflicts or in disaster-prone regions. Many people avoid these places to safeguard their life.
Death, unpredictable and ubiquitous, is not within our control and this is scary for many of us. Some attempt to put some control over death with extremely careful behavior.
I believe it is best to accept that death happens when it is meant to happen. Whether this is true or false, this kind of thinking allows me to live well. Too much precautionary habits and rules because of fear of death can already rob away our life and the great things that are meant to unfold to us.

We fear death because we don't want to die, we don't want to lose the good things in life, we want to live. Death thwarts our dreams, our ambitions, and our pursuits. It deprives us of opportunities, challenges, and adventures. It stunts our journey and it takes away our capacity to fulfill our promises.
We fear death because it separates us from our loved ones. We are afraid to die because we worry that our loved ones will suffer not just of grief but of loss of their breadwinner and caregiver. In the 1973 TV Movie Sunshine, Christina Raines as Kate Hayden, who is dying of cancer, lamented:
“I’m gonna miss you Sam.
The way you touch me, and comfort me when I’m sad.
And the way you smile, and the way you dance around when you’re happy.
Who’s gonna clean the toilet? Who’s gonna clean the oven?
What’s the matter with you God?
My fellow is not a bunch of Boy Scouts who can figure out things for themselves.
That’s what you taught me to do. That’s why I’m here.
God, you’re some kind of idiot!”

Fear is not the only emotion triggered by the thought of death. Death makes us sad. We grieve at our own death. Death can make us angry too. Anger needs to be directed at something but more rationally at someone. As we believe that God gave us life, He also has the power to take it away from us. Kate Hayden directed her anger towards God. There are quite a number of Kate Haydens in the world.

In Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie, who is terminally ill, shared this:
“There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn myself. Some mornings. I'm so angry and bitter. But it doesn't last too long. Then I get up and say, 'I want to live . . .'”

Although Steve Jobs pointed out that no one wants to die, he saw the importance of death. Human condition consists of life followed by death. This reality makes life scarce and scarce things are precious. We cherish life because we are going die. If we fear death, we can use this fear to enhance our ability to enjoy life, increasing its value as much as possible before it finally ends.

Knowing the realities of death may not at all drive away our fear of death. However, a positive attitude toward these realities can moderate our fear to a reasonable magnitude that can actually be good for us. A healthy fear of death can show us the value of life and drive us to make the most of our time while we are alive. When death finally comes, our precious moments of having lived can overwhelm anger or sadness with so much gratitude that we were able to experience the wonders of life at all. In his novel Cat's Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut expressed his gratitude for life in spite of death.

God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, “Sit up!”
“See all I've made,” said God, “the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars.”
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
Lucky me, lucky mud. I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God. Nobody but you could have done it, God! I certainly couldn't have.
I feel very unimportant compared to You. The only way I can feel the least bit important is to think of all the mud that didn't even get to sit up and look around. I got so much, and most mud got so little. Thank you for the honor!
Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.
What memories for mud to have!
What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!
I loved everything I saw!
Good night.
I will go to heaven now.

When I die whenever, wherever, however, I would spend my last breathe to express this: “Thank you God.”